She says: You have more than twenty-four upcoming appointments, then brings up my calendar view.

So I try: Siri. What is the meaning of life?

She answers: You put your right foot in, take your right foot out, you put your right foot in and shake it all about, and that’s what it’s all about!

I think if I could reach through the phone, I might choke her out, but maybe she could be having an existential crisis, too, so – instead – I ask: Siri, how can I be happy?

She replies: Interesting question, but nothing more, so I ask: Siri, are you happy?

To which she comes back with: I’m happy to be your assistant. Are you happy?

Then I don’t really know what to do, because I’m usually the one asking the questions and Siri’s the one answering, but neither of us has an answer for this.

So I turn off my phone and head into the bright cruel world like I’ve done before, again and again, to find out.