Are the words in the dictionary fiction or non-fiction? Of course, I don’t get the sleep I deserve. Like animal crackers devoured at the petting zoo, you can just imagine the tragic highlights. Since the total Internet eclipse, I’ve grown tired of advertising myself to myself, so in the future, I’m only going to write myself hand-written love letters. It’s a no-brainer, don’t you think? In fact, I’m as smart as I’m ever going to be, and then some. That’s why I remarried my ex-wife, twice. So far, the pleasure’s all mine, or so she tells me – like being tickled by farm equipment. Meanwhile, at the zoo, the animals cry at the cruelty of the torrential weather, especially the giraffes. Their long, slender necks, skinny as a stick of freckled celery – their heads proud and elegant – although the latter tend to snap off, even in the faintest breeze.