Noah Berlatsky

Real Ultimate Ninja Prose Poem Watch Out

My name is Robert and I can’t stop thinking about ninjas. These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet. – The Official Ninja Webpage: REAL ULTIMATE POWER

A ninja is a mammal like a walrus who becomes irritated at dinner and then FLIPS OUT and eats all the halibut except it is not halibut but people and by eat I mean he stabs them in the face with his tusks which are also ninja stabbing weapons which are also prose poems and will chop your head off. Because the prose poem is not a walrus and is not a ninja but it also flips out and it is fast, cool, amazingness and sweet. And when it chops your head off it is like the avant garde undermining the unity of identity by putting your head over here where it looks at the body and says, β€œMy name is Robert and by β€˜Robert’ I mean getting a life where I fly around a lot like blood pumping out of awesomeness.” Because when you have real ultimate power no one can tell you what mammal you are. The prose poem says what kind of mammal are you? And the ninja says I am a deadly bonobo with a ninja star I throw from my bonobo penis proving the diversity of human sexuality. OR the ninja says, I am a deadly best friend named Mark who has gone through puberty and become totally awesome like the deadly beaver. But then because the ninja has answered it has to kill you for no mammal can contain it. Real ultimate power means you cannot be put in a box like a prose poem and are constantly busting out like an internet meme crapping its pants. And if you point and laugh you are dead, like a mammal, but one that is not as cool as a ninja. Because ninjas fly like my dingus. And prose poems swim like a walrus. And together they will FLIP OUT.

About the Author

Noah Berlatsky tried being a poet some twenty years back and failed miserably. So he’s trying again. He’s been published recently in several venues, including New Feathers Anthology and Orchards Poetry Journal, and he won an Honorable Mention in the 2022 Wergle Flomp Humor Poetry contest. So that’s all been encouraging. He tweets too much at @nberlat and scribbles longer at Everything is Horrible!