Hey there! I’m sorry I couldn’t answer your call. There’s a chance I’m out of the office. There’s a far greater chance you are calling without a meeting or a message and I am paralyzed with my hand wavering two inches above the phone, in another decade waiting for my chemistry teacher to answer the incessant ringing. I can see her redhead turn; red-cheeked she will ask me to go to the office. Somehow 14 was better than 24, so maybe I found a time machine and this is the last you’ll hear from me. It’s a possibility I’m eating lunch, but I’m more likely sick on the bathroom floor again. Maybe I took my mother’s way out. If you leave a message, there’s a 75% chance you’ll hear from me; if you need me again, make sure you shoot me [a message] first.